Don't you feel like sometimes when you stop and just take a quick look around it's almost as if someone has hit the fast forward button on you? It amazes me how many times I let my responsibilities outside of home take away from my home and family. I continue to struggle with resentment and anger about the fact that I have any "real" responsibilites outside of home/family. But that is something I have just got to figure out and just really truly come to grips with. My job is funny. Some days I really like it and some days I am ready to just quit and go live in a tent in the forrest. Sadly I let is occupy too much of my thoughts and energy. My wake up call came yesterday afternoon when I went and enrolled my baby boy in Kindergarten! My last little baby headed of to Kindie. Where did time go? And who in the world said that 5 is a good age for Kindie? He's my BABY!!! He is waaaaaayyyyy too little to be around all those other big kids! How will he know where to go, how we he do all day without us, what if he is sad or hurt or just needs a hug? Those are just some of the thoughts that racked my mind as I filled out the humongous stack of forms the school handed me, lol!
Then I look at my 15 year old daughter, who has been with her boyfriend (as of February 24th) for 4 months! ACKKKKKKKK!!!!!! She talks about driving next year, and going to college and moving out when she goes to school, and I think WAAAAAIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!!!! Wasn't she just 3 and letting me do literally everything for her? Her very very good friend moved to Washington last year and they still keep in touch through emails, phone and texting. Her friend is miserable and really truly cannot stand living in Washington. She finally asked her Mom if she could come live back in Phoenix with her Grandma. Justine was so happy she might move back. But in the same breath she said she thought it was so sad because she said she couldn't imagine not living with me till she's older, and who would she talk to and who would help her with her problems? She said "I mean you and we are not just like mom and daughter but we are like friends and I totally look to you for answers to stuff." I felt like wow, and then I felt like waaaahhh!!! Ahhhhh the joys of motherhood! Lol! Ughhh, so emotional, lol!
Robert and I have decided one of us needs to get fixed. Such a sad, sad thing. To know that I will never carry a little baby again just makes me feel so sad sometimes. But I realize too that if we did ever have another little one I would most likely be carted directly off to the looney bin. Oops, did I actually write that? lol! I would love to have another little one, but I think we would really really be placing ourselves in a tough spot. So now we decide who will it be? My vote is Robert, lol! Well Unfortunately I have to cut this short, because my taxi services are needed. I will hopefully write more tomorrow after work!
Parent Transitioning Is Hard
2 months ago